Dietitians fight body image battles too

Dietitians fight body image battles too

By looking at this picture you’d think I’d be pretty happy with my body shape and size. But the reality is, this picture was taken at the peak of my insecurities I’ve been struggling with for the past couple of months. 

Over the past year, my lifestyle has changed a lot- I’ve been really happy and living an easy lifestyle in Gisborne. But there’s been one thing that hasn’t been going well, and that’s my exercise routine. 

When I have lived in other cities I’ve been a member of Les Mills gyms, and I absolutely love the grit classes which are high intensity and short workout sessions. They always have loud music, they make me competitive and motivated, and I genuinely enjoy going to each class. I also love how fit I feel from doing them regularly. Since I’ve moved to Gisborne I’ve struggled without a Les Mills gym (although they do have a gym here where they do the Les Mills classes, I find the atmosphere isn’t quite the same). And yes I know this sounds privileged as f**k, but it’s the main type of exercise that I loved and kept me going back most days. 

Without this I didn’t feel motivated to exercise anymore. I had to drag myself to the gym classes, not even giving it 100% when I was there, and putting on my running shoes was an absolute dread. Quickly I got slower and more unfit, and it got even harder to find the motivation to move my body. Every day I felt ‘meh’ and low energy in my day to day work and personal life, and my mood was all over the show.

The worst part was when I started to realise most of my clothes were getting too small and tight. Every day putting my clothes on was a reminder of the weight I had gained (I never weigh myself but could tell I had). Even my undies were digging into my skin throughout the day, and my pants tight, a constant reminder and drainer of my energy and self esteem. 

I struggled with an internal battle with myself- saying things like ‘Kate snap out of it, your a health at every size dietitian and you tell your clients everyday to appreciate the body they are in, to not worry about the size they are, to talk them themselves kindly as they would a good friend’. I wasn’t practicing what I preached. I knew I needed to buy new clothes that fit me properly so I could start to feel comfortable again, but we are saving for a house and that just wasn’t a feasible thing I could do overnight.

After a few months of this building up I snapped. I had two days at work where I felt so uncomfortable in my clothes and felt like I just wanted my body to be how it was one year ago. And I cried, I bloody balled my eyes out and explained all of this to my fiancée. The insecurities and the internal battles I was having with myself every day. 

Even though I felt like an absolute baby, it felt so damn good to get it out. I realised that everyone struggles with their body image at various stages of their lives, no matter their body shape or size, age, or gender. Even us dietitians, the people that are supposed to have their shit together. And sadly for some people these thoughts are so strong, and never really go away.

Moving forward I’m promising to give myself more self compassion. To recognise how I’m feeling, to know that I’m not alone with these feelings, and to talk about my body kinder. To recognise that our bodies change as we age and move into different stages of our lives.

I’m starting with small steps and routines I can easily work into my lifestyle to feel fit and happy again, without focusing on losing weight or changing my body shape. Going for a morning walk with the dog, biking to work when I can, attending a few gym classes I enjoy each week, and playing tennis with friends. I’ve also started to sell some of my clothes online and slowly start replacing some of my staple pieces with clothes I feel comfortable and confident in.

Healthy habits take forever to be part of our regular routine, and it takes even longer to see any positive results. So stick at it and do it because it makes you feel good and happy, rather than waiting around to be a certain size before you can be truely happy. And most importantly be kind in the way you talk about your body, and know that if you’re struggling with your body image and self esteem, you’re totally not alone.

If you would like support navigating this process, we’d love to hear from you. You can contact us by email or phone:

hello@wellnutrition.co.nz

027 725 6405